Who to choose

Dear Will,

I have been single for the past three years but for the past year I have put myself back in the dating scene.  I have regularly been seeing three different guys casually.  Last weekend one of the guys I am dating brought up "THE talk".  He wants to be exclusive.  I do like him very much.  We have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together.  He is perfect.  But The other guys are equally great.  I enjoy spending time with them all.  I do feel that it is time to become exclusive with one guy and stop dating multiple guys, but I don't know who to choose.  What do I do?

Jacob

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Dear Jacob,

This is a difficult decision that you have to make and it's one that only YOU can make. My recommendation is to have "the talk" with the other guys and see how they feel.  They may not want to be in a committed relationship at all, and then again, maybe they will all want to settle down with you.  You need to have that conversation with each of them and then follow your heart.  If for nothing else, than to give each one closure.  

I wish you the best.

Will

Starting Over

Dear Will,

I loved someone with all my heart. For 12 years I meant it when I said I believed this person was my soul mate! I believed we were building for our golden years, I just never thought of life without her right up till she told me she wanted a divorce.  All I could think of was I have to get away.  I didn't take anything besides my clothes and my old truck, because I figured anything we worked for together would only be a reminder of how wrong I had truly been.  To tell you the truth I'm in a daze and don't know what to do? I'm not upset with her or anything like that, it's just for so long there was no me without her.  How do you go on in life? I never figured that I would be in this shape at this time in life. I loved being in a relationship, loved doing things for her, loved being in love and I want it back. I just don't know how to get there? It's over between me and her but I want to find someone else and don't have a clue where to look.  Any advice?

Starting over.

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Dear Starting over.

It is said that when one door closes, another one opens.  I believe this to be true. It appears that this was a lovely chapter in your life, right up until the end and my heart goes out to you. But it's time to start a new chapter. A relationship can not work if both parties are not in it 100%.  She did you a favor by ending it with you if her heart wasn't in it.  If you desire to move on and find love again, go for it. Love will find you when and where you least expect it, but you have to put yourself out there. Join a singles group, a bowling league, Church group, something that you find interest, maybe even take a cooking or pottery class. Don't go with the intention on finding a mate, just go to have fun. You never who you may meet or who may introduce you to a friend.  Also, don't expect to find love right off the bat.  Take your time, go on several dates.  In time old wounds heal and you'll find love again. I promise.

Will

F'd up on Facebook

Dear Will,

Here we go...... I've been married for 8 years now. Me and my wife live in different houses. Her with her parents, me with mine. I got out of the Army last year. We have 4 children together. About a week ago we were seeing each other and I accused her of cheating... which she wasn't and we got into an argument. Well I went home that night and very immaturely wrote a rant about her on facebook and tagged her in it. Obviously, I pissed her off. Now she is ignoring the crap outta me and I can't see my kids. She blocked my number and blocked me on facebook. Like a stupid guy I tried writing her the following morning as well as call and she will not reply back. Totally and completely ignoring me. 

I'm trying to figure out what I should do and what she's going through. Will it pass? I'm very sorry for what I did and she's leaving me in the dark with everything. I feel completely lost cause I'm really in love with her, of course. and I have no excuse for my actions. I don't know what to really say on here but I need advice or some sort of insight.  

Thanks in advance.

Guilty

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Dear Guilty,

First I want to thank you for your service to the country.  Your hard work and dedication is very appreciated.

Now.  With your wife.  You F'd up. Rule #1: Don't air your dirty laundry on social media. #2: Always respect the mother of your children.  Even if you don't get along, she gave you the greatest gift in the world (4 times). Don't bash her in front of her friends, family and the world.  That's not cool.  She has every right to be upset with you right now.

You have already apologized and let her know you are sorry.  Now give her space. Leave her alone and let her calm down. Eventually she will speak to you.  She may never forgive you, but she will have to maintain contact with you for the kids.  

Remember, you messed up.  She's going to make you pay.  Give her time.  Do nothing. 

Good Luck.

Will

Confused and Questioning

Will,

Okay, I have always lived the "straight" life with a few guy/guy DL hookups here and there, but its always been just sex.  Last year, I made a friend who is openly gay and we became good friends, and did good around a bit, but no romantic overtones at the time, was always just for fun.  Well he has since moved away, and I find myself really missing him... and for the first time in my life, in looking back, I find that I was attracted to him emotionally as well.  So it has me wondering if I really am gay...

Wondering

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Dear Wondering,

Why do you have to put a label on it?  You are attracted to the person, not what they have between their legs. 

If you find yourself having strong feelings for someone and want to pursue it, tell them.  Who knows, they may have the same feelings in return.  You'll never know unless you start a conversation about it.

Will

Is It Normal To Fantasize About The Same Sex?

Dear Will,

I am a straight married man and I'm very happy with my life.  I had a couple of gay experiences many moons ago and really no immediate desire to have any more at this time, but I find myself waking up to the thought of being with another guy pretty frequently.  I have a great sex life at home so it's not the lack of sex either.  Is this normal and do other guys have these same thoughts and dreams?

Jack

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Dear Jack, 

I believe this is completely normal and many guys have these thoughts, dreams and urges.  Even those who have never experienced being with another guy.  Only most men who identify as being straight will usually suppress the feelings and never tell anyone.  Some will act on it only with a stranger, maybe in a truck stop/book store setting.  Those who are comfortable with their sexuality will explore other worlds.  Some will like it, others wont. A lot of times the ones who do like it are more attracted to the excitement of doing something "wrong" or getting caught.  To each their own. If this is something you want to do, then by all means, do it.  It's your body.  However, if you are in a happy and loving relationship you may want to take that into consideration first.  Is it worth ruining a good thing if she were to find out?  If you talk to her about your feelings you never know, she may want to join in.  

Will

Heart Broken

Dear Will,

I have been seeing this guy for the past two months.  He is perfect in every way and everything is going great… That was until today.  Let’s just say the old saying “If something seems too good to be true it probably is” definitely applies here.  Today at lunch he said he needed to tell me something.  He has a boyfriend and they have been together for over a year.  We live in Chicago and the boyfriend lives in Austin, Texas.  Obviously, I’m crushed.  It has been many years since I have allowed myself to develop feelings for someone.  I keep a wall up and don’t let guys get too close, emotionally, in order to keep from getting hurt.  But this time I let my guard down and developed strong feelings for him and felt that he had strong feelings in return. 

He said the relationship between him and the boyfriend isn’t working out.  The distance is too far; they only see each other two to three times a year but talk every day.   I tried to muster up enough strength and humility to remain calm and ask questions about the relationship.  I told him that if he didn’t see a future with this guy he needed to talk to him.  It’s wouldn’t be fair the other guy nor himself.  I couldn’t get through lunch fast enough.  I wanted to get out of there before I broke down and began to cry.

I do still have feelings for him but don’t want to be “the other man” or anyone’s second choice out of convenience.  Also, if he is seeing me while seeing someone else without telling either one of us, what’s to say he won’t see other guys behind my back?

What do I do?

Heart Broken & Confused

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Dear Heart Broken & Confused,

The heart is such a fragile and delicate part of the body.  Not only can it physically be damaged, but emotionally and spiritually bruised and broken.  You must be careful who you give it to.  You’re smart to have “the wall” up but you can’t keep it up forever.  What will happen when Mr. Right comes along and you miss him because your wall was too high?  Love is a gamble and you have to take chances.   Yes, it’s going to hurt from time to time, but it will only make you stronger and wiser. 

As for this guy, step back.  Take some time away from him.  Give him a chance to take care of Mr. Texas.  Wait and see if he does indeed end things with him or if he was just blowing hot air.  Wait a few weeks and see if you still have feelings for him.  In the meantime, go about your daily life as normal.   Who knows, he may end up being Mr. Right, or Mr. Right may come along while you’re waiting to see what transpires.  Keep your chin up and know that none of this is your fault.  I wish you the best and I know you will find your soul mate.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  You must be patient. 

Will

My Daughter Hates My Boyfriend

Dear Will,

My ex husband and I have been separated for over two years, divorced for one year. We get along great as friends and co parents of our 14 year old daughter, just couldn't make the marriage work any longer.  This past July I met a wonderful man, Tom, and started dating.  It was several months into the relationship before I introduced Tom to my daughter. Immediately my daughter hated him and has done everything she can think of to break us up.  She is rude and difficult when he is around.  She has even told him that my ex and I are getting back together hoping it would cause a fight between the two of us, ending our relationship.  Her goal is to get Tom out of the picture and her father and I back together.

How do I get her to understand that her father and I love each other but are not in love and we both are moving on?

Stressing out,

Julie

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Dear Julie,

First, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post this one.  I've tried several times to  respond with the best advice possible, and each time I end up starting over not happy with my own answer.   

Your daughter is hurting, wanting both of her parents together under one roof, with her.  She want's the story book family.  Unfortunately, as in many cases, that's not how the cards were dealt.  She is lucky to have two parents who love her very much and get along.  Many kids don't have two parents, and most divorces end up with the parents hating each other causing much emotional pain for the children involved.  She has got to understand that it is natural that you and your ex both will want to pursue other relationships. 

Sit down with her and talk about how she has been acting towards Tom.  Find out if there is more to it, is there another reason she doesn't like him?  Let her know how much she is hurting you with her actions.  Try to get her to agree to give him a chance.  Maybe set up an outing with Tom and your daughter, just the two of them.  This way she can see that he isn't such a bad guy.  If this doesn't work, I'd suggest finding a counselor, someone who specializes in family issues.  I found a group in your area that may help,  +Family Counseling Center 

http://www.fccinc.org

I wish you the best of luck.  Keep me posted.

Will

Does A Long Distance Relationship Work?

Dear Will,

My boyfriend and I have been together for many years.  We started dating in college at UCLA and have since moved to Chicago where we built a wonderful life together.  Last week we found out that his company is relocating him to Paris for six months, possibly a year.  I recently opened my own business which requires my attention 24/7 and if I want my business to succeed I can't go with him to Paris.  He said that if I can't go then he will quit his job (that he loves) and find something else here.  He career is something that he has worked very hard for and I don't want to see him give it up because of me.

I know in my heart that he should go to Paris and we will be fine.  But he is having trouble seeing how it will work.

What do you think?

John & Mark

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Dear John & Mark,

Long distance relationships are hard, yet doable.  In order for a long distance relationship to work you MUST have a solid relationship that is unbreakable and 100% trust in each other.  Without those two things your relationship wont stand a chance.  This is true in any relationship, no matter the distance.  When times get hard just keep telling yourself "it's only 6-12 months".  A year is really not that long.  If you're able, take a trip to Paris and visit once or twice and maybe he can come home to visit a time or two.  Plus, nightly phone calls and/or text messages, Skype, Google+,  Facebook and other social media will make the time and distance a lot less than it really is.

I wish you two the very best.

Together forever,

Never apart,

Maybe in distance,

But never in heart.

Will

Between A Rock & A Hard Place

Dear Will, 

This Christmas was a very emotionally exhausting few days for me and my boyfriend.  We have been together for 6 years and are very happy.  Earlier this year he came out to his family and it actually went better than we expected.  So this year he invited me to go to Arizona to visit his family for Christmas.  We decided that while we were in town we would stay at a hotel out of respect for his parents.  We just didn't want that awkwardness of sleeping in the same bed under his parents roof.  His mother insisted that we stay at the house.  I felt that was very kind of her.  His sisters also were very welcoming but his father didn't really have anything to say to either one of us.  In fact, he wouldn't even stay in the same room with us for more than a couple of minutes.  It didn't really bother me but I could tell that my boyfriend was really hurting because of this.  I'm worried that if I hadn't been there would he have acted this way or did he do this because he came out.  I tried to comfort him but he doesn't really want to talk about it.  What do I do?

Caught in the middle.

~

Dear Caught in the middle,

You are definitely in a sticky situation.  The most important thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him.  Give it time, don't do anything at all just yet.  Like you, I'm not sure if his fathers actions were due to him coming out or because he brought his lover home for Christmas.  Maybe, and hopefully, he will come around and be more comfortable with everything.  But only time will tell.

There is a radio show that I listen to regularly ( +TheOfflimitsShow ) and last nights episode had a segment that spoke about this exact thing.  One of his listeners was in a similar situation and had written a beautiful heart felt letter to the parents of his boyfriends not so accepting parents.  You should really listen to the letter being read on the show.  I'm not suggesting that you write a letter to his parents, it doesn't seem that your situation is exactly the same, but I think you should listen to it anyway.  (below is a link to the show) Continue to be there for your boyfriend, through thick and thin and life will be great.

Will

Offlimits Show

Offlimits Show Gay Mass 2014 Year End (Spreaker)

Trouble in Memphis

Dear Will,

I am a 25 year old man who lives in Memphis, TN.  I have a boyfriend who I have been with for over two years but we don't live together.  Every time I bring up the subject of moving in together he changes the subject and avoids the conversation all together.  Other than the issue with moving in together, everything is going great.  Should I be worried that we may never take the next step or should I make him talk to me about it?

Please Help!!!

Jason

Dear Jason,

I understand your dilemma.  Most people will search the world looking for that special someone to complete their "perfect" life.  Someone to come home to at the end of the work day, wake up next to every morning, and share every second of every day with.  It sounds as if you (and I) are that type of person.  Unfortunately, not everyone shares that dream.  Some people are completely content with being a party of one.  There are others who enjoy having a boyfriend/girlfriend who they spend time with but at the end of the day they go home to their own place (with the occasional sleep over) and that works for them.  It's not that they don't care for or love the person they are with, but they may have commitment issues, fears, or trouble letting go of their independence. 

The key to any relationship whether it be business, friendship, or romance, MUST have constant communication. You must be able to talk about what's on your mind and heart and he must be receptive of what you have to say.  Communication is key and is a two way street.  You definitely need to talk about this with him.

Before you sit down to have "The Talk", you must ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly. If he says yes, would you truly be happy sharing a space with him?  If he says yes but not now, when he's ready, are you willing to continue the relationship and wait for him to be ready for the next step?  If he says that he's the the type of person who would never want to live with another person, would you be willing to continue a relationship as it is now?

The two of you do need to talk to find out why it is that he always changes the subject when you bring it us.  If he continues to avoid the topic, there's your answer.

Please let me know how it turns out.

Will