Prom Date

Dear Will,

My son is an openly gay senior in high school.  Everyone knows about his sexuality including the school administration and no one has a problem with it. My son does not have a "boyfriend" but does have a close gay friend that he spends a lot of time with who also goes to the same school but is a year younger. 

Yesterday, he came to me and told me that he was going to the prom, which is this weekend.  I assumed he would be going alone or with a friend, a girl.  But he said he was taking Jason, his gay friend.  I of course and thrilled he has the courage to take someone he likes to prom, but I am concerned that there may be issues with bullying and or issues with the school administration with him bringing another guy to the prom.  I asked my son if he was worried about these things and he said he had it covered.  He has already gotten permission from the principal for the two of them to attend together as well as already told everyone at school.  He says everyone is cool with it.  Am I just being an over protective parent?

Proud PFLAG Mom.

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Dear Proud PFLAG Mom,

Your son sounds like a remarkable young man.  It sounds like he has all of his bases covered by checking with the principal as well as other students and faculty, It is wonderful that he is able to be open about his sexuality at a young age and has the courage to attend his senior prom with another guy.  I admire that.  

You do have reason to be concerned.  There is a lot of bullying and jerks out in the world today, but it is also 2015, times are changing for the better.  Relax.  The school is aware of what is going on and will protect them at the best of their ability.  He will be surrounded by friends.  

I hope he has a wonderful time at the Prom and makes many wonderful memories.

Will

F'd up on Facebook

Dear Will,

Here we go...... I've been married for 8 years now. Me and my wife live in different houses. Her with her parents, me with mine. I got out of the Army last year. We have 4 children together. About a week ago we were seeing each other and I accused her of cheating... which she wasn't and we got into an argument. Well I went home that night and very immaturely wrote a rant about her on facebook and tagged her in it. Obviously, I pissed her off. Now she is ignoring the crap outta me and I can't see my kids. She blocked my number and blocked me on facebook. Like a stupid guy I tried writing her the following morning as well as call and she will not reply back. Totally and completely ignoring me. 

I'm trying to figure out what I should do and what she's going through. Will it pass? I'm very sorry for what I did and she's leaving me in the dark with everything. I feel completely lost cause I'm really in love with her, of course. and I have no excuse for my actions. I don't know what to really say on here but I need advice or some sort of insight.  

Thanks in advance.

Guilty

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Dear Guilty,

First I want to thank you for your service to the country.  Your hard work and dedication is very appreciated.

Now.  With your wife.  You F'd up. Rule #1: Don't air your dirty laundry on social media. #2: Always respect the mother of your children.  Even if you don't get along, she gave you the greatest gift in the world (4 times). Don't bash her in front of her friends, family and the world.  That's not cool.  She has every right to be upset with you right now.

You have already apologized and let her know you are sorry.  Now give her space. Leave her alone and let her calm down. Eventually she will speak to you.  She may never forgive you, but she will have to maintain contact with you for the kids.  

Remember, you messed up.  She's going to make you pay.  Give her time.  Do nothing. 

Good Luck.

Will

I Know My Son Is Gay. Now What?

Dear Will,

How does a mom let her 18 year old son know she knows he prefers boys?  I've known since he was 5 or 6 years old.

HELP!!!

T.

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Dear T.

This is an easy yet complex situation.  The easiest thing (and probably the best) to do is nothing at all. Just wait and let him tell you when he is ready.  You don't want to run out and buy your PFLAG accessories just yet.  However, with that said, let your feelings be known.  Bring up gay topics and issues in casual conversation so that he knows whether or not you are accepting of a gay son.  If you are, let him know that it's okay for him to come to you about anything.  This reminds me of the episode of Ugly Betty where the family has discovered that Justin is gay.  Hilda decorates the house for a surprise coming out party.  It looked like a bag of skittles exploded in the room.  Don't do that. You'll cause him to undergo years of unnecessary therapy.  

Will

Watch the video -->   Ugly Betty - Justin Comes Out 

+PFLAG National 

Religious Differences

Dear Will,

I am 19 years old and live at home with my very religious parents.  I grew up in the church and have accepted the Lord.  But as I have gotten older I want to look into other religions, to study them, not necessarily to convert to another religion.  But I'd like to look at them all, study them and see which one is the one that I should be a part of.  I know that I'm a Christian and will always be.  But what are the differences between Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic, Non-Denominational, etc.  

My idea is to to go church with different friends and talk to them, learn what I can from first hand experience.  However, my parents and against that.  They believe I should stick with my church and not "stray".  Besides studying the different religions in books, how do I do this and keep my parents happy?

Jason

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Dear Jason, 

You're a very wise young man wanting to learn all that you can.  I believe learning the basics and foundations of each religion is not a bad thing at all.  For example, just because your parents are Baptist doesn't mean that you have to be.  If you feel more comfortable attending a non-denominational church, by all means, attend there.  For the most part, most religions worship the same God.  Your relationship with God is just that... YOURS.  It's between you and the big guy up stairs.  

As far as keeping the parents happy, well, as long as you live in their home you really need to honor their wishes.  However, Sunday morning isn't the only time churches meet.  Attend your family church on Sunday morning, another on Sunday evening and another on Wednesday evening Bible study.  Many churches have gatherings every night of the week. You could also call the church and ask to speak with the minister, set up a meeting with him/her and ask questions.  Have a one on one class to learn all you can.  Any Pastor would be more than happy to meet with you.

Check out this chart Religion Facts: Big Religion Chart it may help you get started.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best.

Will

My Daughter Hates My Boyfriend

Dear Will,

My ex husband and I have been separated for over two years, divorced for one year. We get along great as friends and co parents of our 14 year old daughter, just couldn't make the marriage work any longer.  This past July I met a wonderful man, Tom, and started dating.  It was several months into the relationship before I introduced Tom to my daughter. Immediately my daughter hated him and has done everything she can think of to break us up.  She is rude and difficult when he is around.  She has even told him that my ex and I are getting back together hoping it would cause a fight between the two of us, ending our relationship.  Her goal is to get Tom out of the picture and her father and I back together.

How do I get her to understand that her father and I love each other but are not in love and we both are moving on?

Stressing out,

Julie

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Dear Julie,

First, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post this one.  I've tried several times to  respond with the best advice possible, and each time I end up starting over not happy with my own answer.   

Your daughter is hurting, wanting both of her parents together under one roof, with her.  She want's the story book family.  Unfortunately, as in many cases, that's not how the cards were dealt.  She is lucky to have two parents who love her very much and get along.  Many kids don't have two parents, and most divorces end up with the parents hating each other causing much emotional pain for the children involved.  She has got to understand that it is natural that you and your ex both will want to pursue other relationships. 

Sit down with her and talk about how she has been acting towards Tom.  Find out if there is more to it, is there another reason she doesn't like him?  Let her know how much she is hurting you with her actions.  Try to get her to agree to give him a chance.  Maybe set up an outing with Tom and your daughter, just the two of them.  This way she can see that he isn't such a bad guy.  If this doesn't work, I'd suggest finding a counselor, someone who specializes in family issues.  I found a group in your area that may help,  +Family Counseling Center 

http://www.fccinc.org

I wish you the best of luck.  Keep me posted.

Will

Get Up & Get Out

I am 23 and live in Birmingham, AL.  About 3 months ago my parents told me that I had until the end of the year to enroll in school or get a job and start paying rent.  I honestly thought they were just talkin sh$# like they always do.  But on January 1st they kicked me out.  They won't even talk to me about moving back in until I have a job and can pay them rent.  Right now I'm sleeping on a buddies couch, but he says I can only stay for a couple of weeks.  How do I get them to let me move back in with them?

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Um, it seems your parents have made it pretty clear.  GET A JOB!!!

College Decisions

Dear Will.

I have a situation that maybe you can help me with.  I’m 18, a senior in high school and I’ll be graduating this May.  My parents are both accountants and own an accounting firm.  Their plan is for me to go to college to get a degree in accounting and one day take over the business when they retire.  I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but that’s not what I want to do with my life.  I really want to go to college and study architecture.  Should I do what they want since they are paying for college or do I follow my dreams? If so, how do I tell them that accounting isn’t what I want to do with my life?  Any advice would be appreciated.

College Bound

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Dear College Bound.

Deciding what you want to do with your life is a hard decision; I’m still trying to figure that one out for myself.  You must look at all of your options very carefully.  Luckily you have them narrowed down to two options.  If you choose the Accounting rout you’ll have your parents blessing and a guaranteed job after graduation. Plus one day you will own your own business.  That is a something not everyone is guaranteed and a good thing to have.  If you choose Architecture first you’ll need to have “the talk” with your parents.  Just set down and explain that Architecture is your passion and that’s what you see yourself doing in life.  They have to understand that if your heart isn’t in accounting you’re not going to do well in school and I’m sure they only want the best for you.  Untimely the decision is yours to make and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

Will

My Child is Gay

Hey, I need some advice. My daughter who is 10 told me she thinks she likes girls. Of course, I know I have done right by her feeling she could tell me this at 10 year's old. I told her that is ok. I let her know I love and support her no matter what. She asked me what about God. I told her He loves her no matter what too. I told her that God knew who you were when He made you. I said we know what the bible says but it was written by man and those words are not in red. That means Jesus did not speak them and no-one is perfect. No-one is better than you. She says she still is not sure. I think she is but is scared. She doesn't want me to tell her dad until she is sure. I said I will respect that. Give me some advice my dear friend.

Proud Parent 

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Dear Proud Parent,

I this you are handling this perfectly.  She is lucky to have a wonderful and understanding mother as yourself.  Just be there for her and keep loving her no matter what.  And you're absolutely right.  The words in the bible that speak on homosexuality are not in red. They are mans word, not God's.  You're also doing right by keeping her secret.  Let her tell her father, when she's ready.  Just let her know that you love her, you are there for her, and she'll always be your little girl.

Will