Who to choose

Dear Will,

I have been single for the past three years but for the past year I have put myself back in the dating scene.  I have regularly been seeing three different guys casually.  Last weekend one of the guys I am dating brought up "THE talk".  He wants to be exclusive.  I do like him very much.  We have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together.  He is perfect.  But The other guys are equally great.  I enjoy spending time with them all.  I do feel that it is time to become exclusive with one guy and stop dating multiple guys, but I don't know who to choose.  What do I do?

Jacob

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Dear Jacob,

This is a difficult decision that you have to make and it's one that only YOU can make. My recommendation is to have "the talk" with the other guys and see how they feel.  They may not want to be in a committed relationship at all, and then again, maybe they will all want to settle down with you.  You need to have that conversation with each of them and then follow your heart.  If for nothing else, than to give each one closure.  

I wish you the best.

Will

Heart Broken

Dear Will,

I have been seeing this guy for the past two months.  He is perfect in every way and everything is going great… That was until today.  Let’s just say the old saying “If something seems too good to be true it probably is” definitely applies here.  Today at lunch he said he needed to tell me something.  He has a boyfriend and they have been together for over a year.  We live in Chicago and the boyfriend lives in Austin, Texas.  Obviously, I’m crushed.  It has been many years since I have allowed myself to develop feelings for someone.  I keep a wall up and don’t let guys get too close, emotionally, in order to keep from getting hurt.  But this time I let my guard down and developed strong feelings for him and felt that he had strong feelings in return. 

He said the relationship between him and the boyfriend isn’t working out.  The distance is too far; they only see each other two to three times a year but talk every day.   I tried to muster up enough strength and humility to remain calm and ask questions about the relationship.  I told him that if he didn’t see a future with this guy he needed to talk to him.  It’s wouldn’t be fair the other guy nor himself.  I couldn’t get through lunch fast enough.  I wanted to get out of there before I broke down and began to cry.

I do still have feelings for him but don’t want to be “the other man” or anyone’s second choice out of convenience.  Also, if he is seeing me while seeing someone else without telling either one of us, what’s to say he won’t see other guys behind my back?

What do I do?

Heart Broken & Confused

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Dear Heart Broken & Confused,

The heart is such a fragile and delicate part of the body.  Not only can it physically be damaged, but emotionally and spiritually bruised and broken.  You must be careful who you give it to.  You’re smart to have “the wall” up but you can’t keep it up forever.  What will happen when Mr. Right comes along and you miss him because your wall was too high?  Love is a gamble and you have to take chances.   Yes, it’s going to hurt from time to time, but it will only make you stronger and wiser. 

As for this guy, step back.  Take some time away from him.  Give him a chance to take care of Mr. Texas.  Wait and see if he does indeed end things with him or if he was just blowing hot air.  Wait a few weeks and see if you still have feelings for him.  In the meantime, go about your daily life as normal.   Who knows, he may end up being Mr. Right, or Mr. Right may come along while you’re waiting to see what transpires.  Keep your chin up and know that none of this is your fault.  I wish you the best and I know you will find your soul mate.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  You must be patient. 

Will

My Daughter Hates My Boyfriend

Dear Will,

My ex husband and I have been separated for over two years, divorced for one year. We get along great as friends and co parents of our 14 year old daughter, just couldn't make the marriage work any longer.  This past July I met a wonderful man, Tom, and started dating.  It was several months into the relationship before I introduced Tom to my daughter. Immediately my daughter hated him and has done everything she can think of to break us up.  She is rude and difficult when he is around.  She has even told him that my ex and I are getting back together hoping it would cause a fight between the two of us, ending our relationship.  Her goal is to get Tom out of the picture and her father and I back together.

How do I get her to understand that her father and I love each other but are not in love and we both are moving on?

Stressing out,

Julie

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Dear Julie,

First, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post this one.  I've tried several times to  respond with the best advice possible, and each time I end up starting over not happy with my own answer.   

Your daughter is hurting, wanting both of her parents together under one roof, with her.  She want's the story book family.  Unfortunately, as in many cases, that's not how the cards were dealt.  She is lucky to have two parents who love her very much and get along.  Many kids don't have two parents, and most divorces end up with the parents hating each other causing much emotional pain for the children involved.  She has got to understand that it is natural that you and your ex both will want to pursue other relationships. 

Sit down with her and talk about how she has been acting towards Tom.  Find out if there is more to it, is there another reason she doesn't like him?  Let her know how much she is hurting you with her actions.  Try to get her to agree to give him a chance.  Maybe set up an outing with Tom and your daughter, just the two of them.  This way she can see that he isn't such a bad guy.  If this doesn't work, I'd suggest finding a counselor, someone who specializes in family issues.  I found a group in your area that may help,  +Family Counseling Center 

http://www.fccinc.org

I wish you the best of luck.  Keep me posted.

Will