Confused and Questioning

Will,

Okay, I have always lived the "straight" life with a few guy/guy DL hookups here and there, but its always been just sex.  Last year, I made a friend who is openly gay and we became good friends, and did good around a bit, but no romantic overtones at the time, was always just for fun.  Well he has since moved away, and I find myself really missing him... and for the first time in my life, in looking back, I find that I was attracted to him emotionally as well.  So it has me wondering if I really am gay...

Wondering

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Dear Wondering,

Why do you have to put a label on it?  You are attracted to the person, not what they have between their legs. 

If you find yourself having strong feelings for someone and want to pursue it, tell them.  Who knows, they may have the same feelings in return.  You'll never know unless you start a conversation about it.

Will

Is It Normal To Fantasize About The Same Sex?

Dear Will,

I am a straight married man and I'm very happy with my life.  I had a couple of gay experiences many moons ago and really no immediate desire to have any more at this time, but I find myself waking up to the thought of being with another guy pretty frequently.  I have a great sex life at home so it's not the lack of sex either.  Is this normal and do other guys have these same thoughts and dreams?

Jack

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Dear Jack, 

I believe this is completely normal and many guys have these thoughts, dreams and urges.  Even those who have never experienced being with another guy.  Only most men who identify as being straight will usually suppress the feelings and never tell anyone.  Some will act on it only with a stranger, maybe in a truck stop/book store setting.  Those who are comfortable with their sexuality will explore other worlds.  Some will like it, others wont. A lot of times the ones who do like it are more attracted to the excitement of doing something "wrong" or getting caught.  To each their own. If this is something you want to do, then by all means, do it.  It's your body.  However, if you are in a happy and loving relationship you may want to take that into consideration first.  Is it worth ruining a good thing if she were to find out?  If you talk to her about your feelings you never know, she may want to join in.  

Will

How To Deal With Being Bisexual

Dear Will,

Hi.  I wanna know how to deal with being bi.  Where do you meet other bi guys?  How do you get over the fear of telling someone that you're bi.  I could NEVER tell my friends.  Advice?

Closeted

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Dear Closeted,

Well. I'm not sure what kind of places, if any, are in your area and not sure if you are in a small town or a large city.  But for me, there is a local bar, not a club, where I like to go.  The people are friendly and it's very low key.  I have made several great friends there.  Another thing you may want to try are dating/hook-up apps like Scruff or Grindr.  I know that sounds crazy, but I have made several good friends on there as well.  They are not just for hooking up.  However, if that's what you're looking for. There it is.

As far as telling your friends, who says you have to?  It does make it easier if you are wanting to have a serious long term relationship with another man, but if you're just wanting hook ups then why does anyone have to know.  What goes on in your bedroom is no ones business but your own.  Although, if you do decide to come out to them, if they are true friends they will still be there for you.  Yes, it may seem awkward at first but it will pass.  If something like this causes you to loose a friend, they weren't real friends to begin with.  You have to do what makes you happy.  Having inner peace with yourself is the absolute most important thing. As LGBTQ Royalty "The Queen" RuPaul says, "If You Can't Love Yourself, How In The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?"

Welcome to the family.  :-)

Will