Who to choose

Dear Will,

I have been single for the past three years but for the past year I have put myself back in the dating scene.  I have regularly been seeing three different guys casually.  Last weekend one of the guys I am dating brought up "THE talk".  He wants to be exclusive.  I do like him very much.  We have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together.  He is perfect.  But The other guys are equally great.  I enjoy spending time with them all.  I do feel that it is time to become exclusive with one guy and stop dating multiple guys, but I don't know who to choose.  What do I do?

Jacob

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Dear Jacob,

This is a difficult decision that you have to make and it's one that only YOU can make. My recommendation is to have "the talk" with the other guys and see how they feel.  They may not want to be in a committed relationship at all, and then again, maybe they will all want to settle down with you.  You need to have that conversation with each of them and then follow your heart.  If for nothing else, than to give each one closure.  

I wish you the best.

Will

Confused and Questioning

Will,

Okay, I have always lived the "straight" life with a few guy/guy DL hookups here and there, but its always been just sex.  Last year, I made a friend who is openly gay and we became good friends, and did good around a bit, but no romantic overtones at the time, was always just for fun.  Well he has since moved away, and I find myself really missing him... and for the first time in my life, in looking back, I find that I was attracted to him emotionally as well.  So it has me wondering if I really am gay...

Wondering

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Dear Wondering,

Why do you have to put a label on it?  You are attracted to the person, not what they have between their legs. 

If you find yourself having strong feelings for someone and want to pursue it, tell them.  Who knows, they may have the same feelings in return.  You'll never know unless you start a conversation about it.

Will

Is It Normal To Fantasize About The Same Sex?

Dear Will,

I am a straight married man and I'm very happy with my life.  I had a couple of gay experiences many moons ago and really no immediate desire to have any more at this time, but I find myself waking up to the thought of being with another guy pretty frequently.  I have a great sex life at home so it's not the lack of sex either.  Is this normal and do other guys have these same thoughts and dreams?

Jack

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Dear Jack, 

I believe this is completely normal and many guys have these thoughts, dreams and urges.  Even those who have never experienced being with another guy.  Only most men who identify as being straight will usually suppress the feelings and never tell anyone.  Some will act on it only with a stranger, maybe in a truck stop/book store setting.  Those who are comfortable with their sexuality will explore other worlds.  Some will like it, others wont. A lot of times the ones who do like it are more attracted to the excitement of doing something "wrong" or getting caught.  To each their own. If this is something you want to do, then by all means, do it.  It's your body.  However, if you are in a happy and loving relationship you may want to take that into consideration first.  Is it worth ruining a good thing if she were to find out?  If you talk to her about your feelings you never know, she may want to join in.  

Will

How To Deal With Being Bisexual

Dear Will,

Hi.  I wanna know how to deal with being bi.  Where do you meet other bi guys?  How do you get over the fear of telling someone that you're bi.  I could NEVER tell my friends.  Advice?

Closeted

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Dear Closeted,

Well. I'm not sure what kind of places, if any, are in your area and not sure if you are in a small town or a large city.  But for me, there is a local bar, not a club, where I like to go.  The people are friendly and it's very low key.  I have made several great friends there.  Another thing you may want to try are dating/hook-up apps like Scruff or Grindr.  I know that sounds crazy, but I have made several good friends on there as well.  They are not just for hooking up.  However, if that's what you're looking for. There it is.

As far as telling your friends, who says you have to?  It does make it easier if you are wanting to have a serious long term relationship with another man, but if you're just wanting hook ups then why does anyone have to know.  What goes on in your bedroom is no ones business but your own.  Although, if you do decide to come out to them, if they are true friends they will still be there for you.  Yes, it may seem awkward at first but it will pass.  If something like this causes you to loose a friend, they weren't real friends to begin with.  You have to do what makes you happy.  Having inner peace with yourself is the absolute most important thing. As LGBTQ Royalty "The Queen" RuPaul says, "If You Can't Love Yourself, How In The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?"

Welcome to the family.  :-)

Will

Heart Broken

Dear Will,

I have been seeing this guy for the past two months.  He is perfect in every way and everything is going great… That was until today.  Let’s just say the old saying “If something seems too good to be true it probably is” definitely applies here.  Today at lunch he said he needed to tell me something.  He has a boyfriend and they have been together for over a year.  We live in Chicago and the boyfriend lives in Austin, Texas.  Obviously, I’m crushed.  It has been many years since I have allowed myself to develop feelings for someone.  I keep a wall up and don’t let guys get too close, emotionally, in order to keep from getting hurt.  But this time I let my guard down and developed strong feelings for him and felt that he had strong feelings in return. 

He said the relationship between him and the boyfriend isn’t working out.  The distance is too far; they only see each other two to three times a year but talk every day.   I tried to muster up enough strength and humility to remain calm and ask questions about the relationship.  I told him that if he didn’t see a future with this guy he needed to talk to him.  It’s wouldn’t be fair the other guy nor himself.  I couldn’t get through lunch fast enough.  I wanted to get out of there before I broke down and began to cry.

I do still have feelings for him but don’t want to be “the other man” or anyone’s second choice out of convenience.  Also, if he is seeing me while seeing someone else without telling either one of us, what’s to say he won’t see other guys behind my back?

What do I do?

Heart Broken & Confused

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Dear Heart Broken & Confused,

The heart is such a fragile and delicate part of the body.  Not only can it physically be damaged, but emotionally and spiritually bruised and broken.  You must be careful who you give it to.  You’re smart to have “the wall” up but you can’t keep it up forever.  What will happen when Mr. Right comes along and you miss him because your wall was too high?  Love is a gamble and you have to take chances.   Yes, it’s going to hurt from time to time, but it will only make you stronger and wiser. 

As for this guy, step back.  Take some time away from him.  Give him a chance to take care of Mr. Texas.  Wait and see if he does indeed end things with him or if he was just blowing hot air.  Wait a few weeks and see if you still have feelings for him.  In the meantime, go about your daily life as normal.   Who knows, he may end up being Mr. Right, or Mr. Right may come along while you’re waiting to see what transpires.  Keep your chin up and know that none of this is your fault.  I wish you the best and I know you will find your soul mate.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  You must be patient. 

Will

I Know My Son Is Gay. Now What?

Dear Will,

How does a mom let her 18 year old son know she knows he prefers boys?  I've known since he was 5 or 6 years old.

HELP!!!

T.

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Dear T.

This is an easy yet complex situation.  The easiest thing (and probably the best) to do is nothing at all. Just wait and let him tell you when he is ready.  You don't want to run out and buy your PFLAG accessories just yet.  However, with that said, let your feelings be known.  Bring up gay topics and issues in casual conversation so that he knows whether or not you are accepting of a gay son.  If you are, let him know that it's okay for him to come to you about anything.  This reminds me of the episode of Ugly Betty where the family has discovered that Justin is gay.  Hilda decorates the house for a surprise coming out party.  It looked like a bag of skittles exploded in the room.  Don't do that. You'll cause him to undergo years of unnecessary therapy.  

Will

Watch the video -->   Ugly Betty - Justin Comes Out 

+PFLAG National 

Does A Long Distance Relationship Work?

Dear Will,

My boyfriend and I have been together for many years.  We started dating in college at UCLA and have since moved to Chicago where we built a wonderful life together.  Last week we found out that his company is relocating him to Paris for six months, possibly a year.  I recently opened my own business which requires my attention 24/7 and if I want my business to succeed I can't go with him to Paris.  He said that if I can't go then he will quit his job (that he loves) and find something else here.  He career is something that he has worked very hard for and I don't want to see him give it up because of me.

I know in my heart that he should go to Paris and we will be fine.  But he is having trouble seeing how it will work.

What do you think?

John & Mark

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Dear John & Mark,

Long distance relationships are hard, yet doable.  In order for a long distance relationship to work you MUST have a solid relationship that is unbreakable and 100% trust in each other.  Without those two things your relationship wont stand a chance.  This is true in any relationship, no matter the distance.  When times get hard just keep telling yourself "it's only 6-12 months".  A year is really not that long.  If you're able, take a trip to Paris and visit once or twice and maybe he can come home to visit a time or two.  Plus, nightly phone calls and/or text messages, Skype, Google+,  Facebook and other social media will make the time and distance a lot less than it really is.

I wish you two the very best.

Together forever,

Never apart,

Maybe in distance,

But never in heart.

Will

Between A Rock & A Hard Place

Dear Will, 

This Christmas was a very emotionally exhausting few days for me and my boyfriend.  We have been together for 6 years and are very happy.  Earlier this year he came out to his family and it actually went better than we expected.  So this year he invited me to go to Arizona to visit his family for Christmas.  We decided that while we were in town we would stay at a hotel out of respect for his parents.  We just didn't want that awkwardness of sleeping in the same bed under his parents roof.  His mother insisted that we stay at the house.  I felt that was very kind of her.  His sisters also were very welcoming but his father didn't really have anything to say to either one of us.  In fact, he wouldn't even stay in the same room with us for more than a couple of minutes.  It didn't really bother me but I could tell that my boyfriend was really hurting because of this.  I'm worried that if I hadn't been there would he have acted this way or did he do this because he came out.  I tried to comfort him but he doesn't really want to talk about it.  What do I do?

Caught in the middle.

~

Dear Caught in the middle,

You are definitely in a sticky situation.  The most important thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him.  Give it time, don't do anything at all just yet.  Like you, I'm not sure if his fathers actions were due to him coming out or because he brought his lover home for Christmas.  Maybe, and hopefully, he will come around and be more comfortable with everything.  But only time will tell.

There is a radio show that I listen to regularly ( +TheOfflimitsShow ) and last nights episode had a segment that spoke about this exact thing.  One of his listeners was in a similar situation and had written a beautiful heart felt letter to the parents of his boyfriends not so accepting parents.  You should really listen to the letter being read on the show.  I'm not suggesting that you write a letter to his parents, it doesn't seem that your situation is exactly the same, but I think you should listen to it anyway.  (below is a link to the show) Continue to be there for your boyfriend, through thick and thin and life will be great.

Will

Offlimits Show

Offlimits Show Gay Mass 2014 Year End (Spreaker)

Living with my ex

Dear Will,

My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost four years.  We had our ups and downs as all relationships do but we decided we were better off as friends. We have remained friends since our breakup three years ago.  Recently he lost his job and after several months of searching he has finally landed a new one.  Just last week I lost mine.  I was able to get a part time job waiting tables at a friends restaurant but money is still tight.  It's difficult for both of us.  We have been discussing the possibility of moving in together to help each other out with the bills until we can get back on our feet.  Do you think this is a good idea?  

Alex J.

St. Louis

Dear Alex,

Obviously you are second guessing this situation or you wouldn't be asking.  You must go with your gut feelings.  If there is any hesitation, don't do it.  If you are in desperate need of a roommate, there are lots of people out there looking too. Check out Craigslist.  On second thought, that's not always the safest thing to do.  Have the two of you discussed this in detail?  Do either one of you have the slightest feelings for the other that is not platonic?  How long do you expect to live together?  Most importantly, do you believe you could live together without killing each other?  In my experience, I have lost a couple of really great friends by moving in together.  You really don't know someone until you live with them.  However, if you have lived together in the past, during your four year relationship, you should already know what it is like to live with him.  So again I ask, why are you asking?  What does your gut tell you?  Always follow your gut.

Will

My Child is Gay

Hey, I need some advice. My daughter who is 10 told me she thinks she likes girls. Of course, I know I have done right by her feeling she could tell me this at 10 year's old. I told her that is ok. I let her know I love and support her no matter what. She asked me what about God. I told her He loves her no matter what too. I told her that God knew who you were when He made you. I said we know what the bible says but it was written by man and those words are not in red. That means Jesus did not speak them and no-one is perfect. No-one is better than you. She says she still is not sure. I think she is but is scared. She doesn't want me to tell her dad until she is sure. I said I will respect that. Give me some advice my dear friend.

Proud Parent 

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Dear Proud Parent,

I this you are handling this perfectly.  She is lucky to have a wonderful and understanding mother as yourself.  Just be there for her and keep loving her no matter what.  And you're absolutely right.  The words in the bible that speak on homosexuality are not in red. They are mans word, not God's.  You're also doing right by keeping her secret.  Let her tell her father, when she's ready.  Just let her know that you love her, you are there for her, and she'll always be your little girl.

Will

Trouble in Memphis

Dear Will,

I am a 25 year old man who lives in Memphis, TN.  I have a boyfriend who I have been with for over two years but we don't live together.  Every time I bring up the subject of moving in together he changes the subject and avoids the conversation all together.  Other than the issue with moving in together, everything is going great.  Should I be worried that we may never take the next step or should I make him talk to me about it?

Please Help!!!

Jason

Dear Jason,

I understand your dilemma.  Most people will search the world looking for that special someone to complete their "perfect" life.  Someone to come home to at the end of the work day, wake up next to every morning, and share every second of every day with.  It sounds as if you (and I) are that type of person.  Unfortunately, not everyone shares that dream.  Some people are completely content with being a party of one.  There are others who enjoy having a boyfriend/girlfriend who they spend time with but at the end of the day they go home to their own place (with the occasional sleep over) and that works for them.  It's not that they don't care for or love the person they are with, but they may have commitment issues, fears, or trouble letting go of their independence. 

The key to any relationship whether it be business, friendship, or romance, MUST have constant communication. You must be able to talk about what's on your mind and heart and he must be receptive of what you have to say.  Communication is key and is a two way street.  You definitely need to talk about this with him.

Before you sit down to have "The Talk", you must ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly. If he says yes, would you truly be happy sharing a space with him?  If he says yes but not now, when he's ready, are you willing to continue the relationship and wait for him to be ready for the next step?  If he says that he's the the type of person who would never want to live with another person, would you be willing to continue a relationship as it is now?

The two of you do need to talk to find out why it is that he always changes the subject when you bring it us.  If he continues to avoid the topic, there's your answer.

Please let me know how it turns out.

Will