Dear Will,
I am a 25 year old man who lives in Memphis, TN. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for over two years but we don't live together. Every time I bring up the subject of moving in together he changes the subject and avoids the conversation all together. Other than the issue with moving in together, everything is going great. Should I be worried that we may never take the next step or should I make him talk to me about it?
Please Help!!!
Jason
Dear Jason,
I understand your dilemma. Most people will search the world looking for that special someone to complete their "perfect" life. Someone to come home to at the end of the work day, wake up next to every morning, and share every second of every day with. It sounds as if you (and I) are that type of person. Unfortunately, not everyone shares that dream. Some people are completely content with being a party of one. There are others who enjoy having a boyfriend/girlfriend who they spend time with but at the end of the day they go home to their own place (with the occasional sleep over) and that works for them. It's not that they don't care for or love the person they are with, but they may have commitment issues, fears, or trouble letting go of their independence.
The key to any relationship whether it be business, friendship, or romance, MUST have constant communication. You must be able to talk about what's on your mind and heart and he must be receptive of what you have to say. Communication is key and is a two way street. You definitely need to talk about this with him.
Before you sit down to have "The Talk", you must ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly. If he says yes, would you truly be happy sharing a space with him? If he says yes but not now, when he's ready, are you willing to continue the relationship and wait for him to be ready for the next step? If he says that he's the the type of person who would never want to live with another person, would you be willing to continue a relationship as it is now?
The two of you do need to talk to find out why it is that he always changes the subject when you bring it us. If he continues to avoid the topic, there's your answer.
Please let me know how it turns out.
Will
