Roommate from Hell

Dear Will,

I have been living in my apartment for almost three years now. About six months ago I decided to get a roommate to share the expenses.  In the beginning everything was great.  We worked separate schedules so we really didn't see each other very much.  Now, I am working a different shift and we are home together a lot.  He always has his tv or music turned up really loud and has friends over all the time drinking and basically having parties. I don't know these people.  I'm not even comfortable in my own home anymore. How should I handle this?

Devin

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Dear Devin,

Being uncomfortable in your own home is never a good thing.  Have you talked to him?  If not, that's the first thing you should do.  Tell him how you feel.  Ask him to respect your space just as you respect his.  Ask him to turn the tv and music down, at least when you're home.  As for him having friends over, as long as he is paying rent he does have the right to have friends over unless there is a clause in the lease agreement stating limitations as to the hours he can have visitors.  Which brings up another question, is he on a lease? If not, and he's not willing to cooperate you may need to discuss other living arrangements.  But communication is a must.

Wll 

Is It Normal To Fantasize About The Same Sex?

Dear Will,

I am a straight married man and I'm very happy with my life.  I had a couple of gay experiences many moons ago and really no immediate desire to have any more at this time, but I find myself waking up to the thought of being with another guy pretty frequently.  I have a great sex life at home so it's not the lack of sex either.  Is this normal and do other guys have these same thoughts and dreams?

Jack

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Dear Jack, 

I believe this is completely normal and many guys have these thoughts, dreams and urges.  Even those who have never experienced being with another guy.  Only most men who identify as being straight will usually suppress the feelings and never tell anyone.  Some will act on it only with a stranger, maybe in a truck stop/book store setting.  Those who are comfortable with their sexuality will explore other worlds.  Some will like it, others wont. A lot of times the ones who do like it are more attracted to the excitement of doing something "wrong" or getting caught.  To each their own. If this is something you want to do, then by all means, do it.  It's your body.  However, if you are in a happy and loving relationship you may want to take that into consideration first.  Is it worth ruining a good thing if she were to find out?  If you talk to her about your feelings you never know, she may want to join in.  

Will

Sex Addiction

Dear Will,

My husband is addicted to sex.  He has been faithful, but is always ready for and wanting sex.  I can't keep up.  If we aren't having sex he is watching porn and taking care of business himself.  What do I do?

Angela 

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Dear Angela,

On a positive note, he is only sexually active with you and not having relations outside of the home. The first thing you should do is talk to him about it.  If this is something you feel that you can't live with there are many options available but he has to want to change before anything will work. When he is ready, there are several behavioral health centers all across the country.  I'm sure there is one in your area.  A great place to begin is Sex Addicts Anonymous.  Google local Sex Addiction Rehab Centers in your area or Mental Health Disorders in your area.

I hope this helps.
Will

https://saa-recovery.org

How To Deal With Being Bisexual

Dear Will,

Hi.  I wanna know how to deal with being bi.  Where do you meet other bi guys?  How do you get over the fear of telling someone that you're bi.  I could NEVER tell my friends.  Advice?

Closeted

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Dear Closeted,

Well. I'm not sure what kind of places, if any, are in your area and not sure if you are in a small town or a large city.  But for me, there is a local bar, not a club, where I like to go.  The people are friendly and it's very low key.  I have made several great friends there.  Another thing you may want to try are dating/hook-up apps like Scruff or Grindr.  I know that sounds crazy, but I have made several good friends on there as well.  They are not just for hooking up.  However, if that's what you're looking for. There it is.

As far as telling your friends, who says you have to?  It does make it easier if you are wanting to have a serious long term relationship with another man, but if you're just wanting hook ups then why does anyone have to know.  What goes on in your bedroom is no ones business but your own.  Although, if you do decide to come out to them, if they are true friends they will still be there for you.  Yes, it may seem awkward at first but it will pass.  If something like this causes you to loose a friend, they weren't real friends to begin with.  You have to do what makes you happy.  Having inner peace with yourself is the absolute most important thing. As LGBTQ Royalty "The Queen" RuPaul says, "If You Can't Love Yourself, How In The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?"

Welcome to the family.  :-)

Will

Heart Broken

Dear Will,

I have been seeing this guy for the past two months.  He is perfect in every way and everything is going great… That was until today.  Let’s just say the old saying “If something seems too good to be true it probably is” definitely applies here.  Today at lunch he said he needed to tell me something.  He has a boyfriend and they have been together for over a year.  We live in Chicago and the boyfriend lives in Austin, Texas.  Obviously, I’m crushed.  It has been many years since I have allowed myself to develop feelings for someone.  I keep a wall up and don’t let guys get too close, emotionally, in order to keep from getting hurt.  But this time I let my guard down and developed strong feelings for him and felt that he had strong feelings in return. 

He said the relationship between him and the boyfriend isn’t working out.  The distance is too far; they only see each other two to three times a year but talk every day.   I tried to muster up enough strength and humility to remain calm and ask questions about the relationship.  I told him that if he didn’t see a future with this guy he needed to talk to him.  It’s wouldn’t be fair the other guy nor himself.  I couldn’t get through lunch fast enough.  I wanted to get out of there before I broke down and began to cry.

I do still have feelings for him but don’t want to be “the other man” or anyone’s second choice out of convenience.  Also, if he is seeing me while seeing someone else without telling either one of us, what’s to say he won’t see other guys behind my back?

What do I do?

Heart Broken & Confused

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Dear Heart Broken & Confused,

The heart is such a fragile and delicate part of the body.  Not only can it physically be damaged, but emotionally and spiritually bruised and broken.  You must be careful who you give it to.  You’re smart to have “the wall” up but you can’t keep it up forever.  What will happen when Mr. Right comes along and you miss him because your wall was too high?  Love is a gamble and you have to take chances.   Yes, it’s going to hurt from time to time, but it will only make you stronger and wiser. 

As for this guy, step back.  Take some time away from him.  Give him a chance to take care of Mr. Texas.  Wait and see if he does indeed end things with him or if he was just blowing hot air.  Wait a few weeks and see if you still have feelings for him.  In the meantime, go about your daily life as normal.   Who knows, he may end up being Mr. Right, or Mr. Right may come along while you’re waiting to see what transpires.  Keep your chin up and know that none of this is your fault.  I wish you the best and I know you will find your soul mate.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  You must be patient. 

Will