Who to choose

Dear Will,

I have been single for the past three years but for the past year I have put myself back in the dating scene.  I have regularly been seeing three different guys casually.  Last weekend one of the guys I am dating brought up "THE talk".  He wants to be exclusive.  I do like him very much.  We have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together.  He is perfect.  But The other guys are equally great.  I enjoy spending time with them all.  I do feel that it is time to become exclusive with one guy and stop dating multiple guys, but I don't know who to choose.  What do I do?

Jacob

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Dear Jacob,

This is a difficult decision that you have to make and it's one that only YOU can make. My recommendation is to have "the talk" with the other guys and see how they feel.  They may not want to be in a committed relationship at all, and then again, maybe they will all want to settle down with you.  You need to have that conversation with each of them and then follow your heart.  If for nothing else, than to give each one closure.  

I wish you the best.

Will

Is It Normal To Fantasize About The Same Sex?

Dear Will,

I am a straight married man and I'm very happy with my life.  I had a couple of gay experiences many moons ago and really no immediate desire to have any more at this time, but I find myself waking up to the thought of being with another guy pretty frequently.  I have a great sex life at home so it's not the lack of sex either.  Is this normal and do other guys have these same thoughts and dreams?

Jack

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Dear Jack, 

I believe this is completely normal and many guys have these thoughts, dreams and urges.  Even those who have never experienced being with another guy.  Only most men who identify as being straight will usually suppress the feelings and never tell anyone.  Some will act on it only with a stranger, maybe in a truck stop/book store setting.  Those who are comfortable with their sexuality will explore other worlds.  Some will like it, others wont. A lot of times the ones who do like it are more attracted to the excitement of doing something "wrong" or getting caught.  To each their own. If this is something you want to do, then by all means, do it.  It's your body.  However, if you are in a happy and loving relationship you may want to take that into consideration first.  Is it worth ruining a good thing if she were to find out?  If you talk to her about your feelings you never know, she may want to join in.  

Will

How To Deal With Being Bisexual

Dear Will,

Hi.  I wanna know how to deal with being bi.  Where do you meet other bi guys?  How do you get over the fear of telling someone that you're bi.  I could NEVER tell my friends.  Advice?

Closeted

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Dear Closeted,

Well. I'm not sure what kind of places, if any, are in your area and not sure if you are in a small town or a large city.  But for me, there is a local bar, not a club, where I like to go.  The people are friendly and it's very low key.  I have made several great friends there.  Another thing you may want to try are dating/hook-up apps like Scruff or Grindr.  I know that sounds crazy, but I have made several good friends on there as well.  They are not just for hooking up.  However, if that's what you're looking for. There it is.

As far as telling your friends, who says you have to?  It does make it easier if you are wanting to have a serious long term relationship with another man, but if you're just wanting hook ups then why does anyone have to know.  What goes on in your bedroom is no ones business but your own.  Although, if you do decide to come out to them, if they are true friends they will still be there for you.  Yes, it may seem awkward at first but it will pass.  If something like this causes you to loose a friend, they weren't real friends to begin with.  You have to do what makes you happy.  Having inner peace with yourself is the absolute most important thing. As LGBTQ Royalty "The Queen" RuPaul says, "If You Can't Love Yourself, How In The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?"

Welcome to the family.  :-)

Will

Heart Broken

Dear Will,

I have been seeing this guy for the past two months.  He is perfect in every way and everything is going great… That was until today.  Let’s just say the old saying “If something seems too good to be true it probably is” definitely applies here.  Today at lunch he said he needed to tell me something.  He has a boyfriend and they have been together for over a year.  We live in Chicago and the boyfriend lives in Austin, Texas.  Obviously, I’m crushed.  It has been many years since I have allowed myself to develop feelings for someone.  I keep a wall up and don’t let guys get too close, emotionally, in order to keep from getting hurt.  But this time I let my guard down and developed strong feelings for him and felt that he had strong feelings in return. 

He said the relationship between him and the boyfriend isn’t working out.  The distance is too far; they only see each other two to three times a year but talk every day.   I tried to muster up enough strength and humility to remain calm and ask questions about the relationship.  I told him that if he didn’t see a future with this guy he needed to talk to him.  It’s wouldn’t be fair the other guy nor himself.  I couldn’t get through lunch fast enough.  I wanted to get out of there before I broke down and began to cry.

I do still have feelings for him but don’t want to be “the other man” or anyone’s second choice out of convenience.  Also, if he is seeing me while seeing someone else without telling either one of us, what’s to say he won’t see other guys behind my back?

What do I do?

Heart Broken & Confused

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Dear Heart Broken & Confused,

The heart is such a fragile and delicate part of the body.  Not only can it physically be damaged, but emotionally and spiritually bruised and broken.  You must be careful who you give it to.  You’re smart to have “the wall” up but you can’t keep it up forever.  What will happen when Mr. Right comes along and you miss him because your wall was too high?  Love is a gamble and you have to take chances.   Yes, it’s going to hurt from time to time, but it will only make you stronger and wiser. 

As for this guy, step back.  Take some time away from him.  Give him a chance to take care of Mr. Texas.  Wait and see if he does indeed end things with him or if he was just blowing hot air.  Wait a few weeks and see if you still have feelings for him.  In the meantime, go about your daily life as normal.   Who knows, he may end up being Mr. Right, or Mr. Right may come along while you’re waiting to see what transpires.  Keep your chin up and know that none of this is your fault.  I wish you the best and I know you will find your soul mate.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  You must be patient. 

Will

I Know My Son Is Gay. Now What?

Dear Will,

How does a mom let her 18 year old son know she knows he prefers boys?  I've known since he was 5 or 6 years old.

HELP!!!

T.

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Dear T.

This is an easy yet complex situation.  The easiest thing (and probably the best) to do is nothing at all. Just wait and let him tell you when he is ready.  You don't want to run out and buy your PFLAG accessories just yet.  However, with that said, let your feelings be known.  Bring up gay topics and issues in casual conversation so that he knows whether or not you are accepting of a gay son.  If you are, let him know that it's okay for him to come to you about anything.  This reminds me of the episode of Ugly Betty where the family has discovered that Justin is gay.  Hilda decorates the house for a surprise coming out party.  It looked like a bag of skittles exploded in the room.  Don't do that. You'll cause him to undergo years of unnecessary therapy.  

Will

Watch the video -->   Ugly Betty - Justin Comes Out 

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