Salon Drama

Dear Will,

I've debated on if I should send you this email or not.  I normally don't like to put my business out there but I really can't figure this one out on my own. 

I am a hair dresser and work for a chain salon.  When I chose to work for this company I made the decision because it pays commission and the company provides all of the products and supplies.  All other salon in town offer booth rental where I would have to pay rent to use the space, supply all products, and pay my own advertising.  Because I am new to town and don't have a clientele to support me I chose to go with the chain salon.  Since joining the team the company has made changes. Prices have been lowered and the criteria to earn commission has been raised resulting in me, and several other hair dressers, making minimum wage.  As you know, minimum wage is not enough to support m family.

I have been offered another job, not doing hair, that offers a steady income. Although, not enough to support m family but a great deal more than I make now.  Do I take the new job and leave a job that I absolutely love doing or keep doing what I love and hope for the best?

Please help.

CB

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Dear CB,

As I always say, you must follow your heart.  Obviously, you can't hear what your heart is trying to tell you so here is my opinion.

You have to do what's best for you and your family.  Often parents have to put their dreams on the back burner and do things they don't want to in order to provide for their families.  If it were me, I'd take the other job with the steady paycheck.  Once your finances have become more stable you may be in a position where you can return to the cosmetology industry.  I'm not sure the ages of your children and if there is another parent or family member who can help take care of the children, but maybe for a while working two jobs might be an option.  But first and foremost,  you have to do what's best for you and your family.  

Roommate from Hell

Dear Will,

I have been living in my apartment for almost three years now. About six months ago I decided to get a roommate to share the expenses.  In the beginning everything was great.  We worked separate schedules so we really didn't see each other very much.  Now, I am working a different shift and we are home together a lot.  He always has his tv or music turned up really loud and has friends over all the time drinking and basically having parties. I don't know these people.  I'm not even comfortable in my own home anymore. How should I handle this?

Devin

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Dear Devin,

Being uncomfortable in your own home is never a good thing.  Have you talked to him?  If not, that's the first thing you should do.  Tell him how you feel.  Ask him to respect your space just as you respect his.  Ask him to turn the tv and music down, at least when you're home.  As for him having friends over, as long as he is paying rent he does have the right to have friends over unless there is a clause in the lease agreement stating limitations as to the hours he can have visitors.  Which brings up another question, is he on a lease? If not, and he's not willing to cooperate you may need to discuss other living arrangements.  But communication is a must.

Wll 

Wet Dreams

Dear Will,

My name is Alex and I'm 10 years old.  My older brother is always making jokes about wet dreams and when I ask him what it is he just says "you'll know when you have one".  I asked my mom but she changed the subject. What is a wet dream and what's the big deal?

Alex

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Alex,

A wet dream or Nocturnal Admissions, as it is also called, is not a bad thing or a big deal.  A wet dream happens mostly during puberty for boys.  During puberty you will have an erection at any time for no reason at all, during school, watching TV and especially while sleeping.  During an erection your body will produce sperm and will build up and will need to be released.  Normally sperm is released through sex and masturbation. Without sex and/or masturbation your body will naturally release the build up during the night, usually during a dream with a sexual nature.  

There is no way to stop a wet dream from happening. Every guy is different.  Some guys experience this several times a week and others may only experience it a few times in their life.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  It is totally natural. Just one of the many inconveniences in life.  Simply clean yourself up and go on with your day. 

You may find a little more useful information HERE. 

Will

Starting Over

Dear Will,

I loved someone with all my heart. For 12 years I meant it when I said I believed this person was my soul mate! I believed we were building for our golden years, I just never thought of life without her right up till she told me she wanted a divorce.  All I could think of was I have to get away.  I didn't take anything besides my clothes and my old truck, because I figured anything we worked for together would only be a reminder of how wrong I had truly been.  To tell you the truth I'm in a daze and don't know what to do? I'm not upset with her or anything like that, it's just for so long there was no me without her.  How do you go on in life? I never figured that I would be in this shape at this time in life. I loved being in a relationship, loved doing things for her, loved being in love and I want it back. I just don't know how to get there? It's over between me and her but I want to find someone else and don't have a clue where to look.  Any advice?

Starting over.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Starting over.

It is said that when one door closes, another one opens.  I believe this to be true. It appears that this was a lovely chapter in your life, right up until the end and my heart goes out to you. But it's time to start a new chapter. A relationship can not work if both parties are not in it 100%.  She did you a favor by ending it with you if her heart wasn't in it.  If you desire to move on and find love again, go for it. Love will find you when and where you least expect it, but you have to put yourself out there. Join a singles group, a bowling league, Church group, something that you find interest, maybe even take a cooking or pottery class. Don't go with the intention on finding a mate, just go to have fun. You never who you may meet or who may introduce you to a friend.  Also, don't expect to find love right off the bat.  Take your time, go on several dates.  In time old wounds heal and you'll find love again. I promise.

Will

F'd up on Facebook

Dear Will,

Here we go...... I've been married for 8 years now. Me and my wife live in different houses. Her with her parents, me with mine. I got out of the Army last year. We have 4 children together. About a week ago we were seeing each other and I accused her of cheating... which she wasn't and we got into an argument. Well I went home that night and very immaturely wrote a rant about her on facebook and tagged her in it. Obviously, I pissed her off. Now she is ignoring the crap outta me and I can't see my kids. She blocked my number and blocked me on facebook. Like a stupid guy I tried writing her the following morning as well as call and she will not reply back. Totally and completely ignoring me. 

I'm trying to figure out what I should do and what she's going through. Will it pass? I'm very sorry for what I did and she's leaving me in the dark with everything. I feel completely lost cause I'm really in love with her, of course. and I have no excuse for my actions. I don't know what to really say on here but I need advice or some sort of insight.  

Thanks in advance.

Guilty

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Dear Guilty,

First I want to thank you for your service to the country.  Your hard work and dedication is very appreciated.

Now.  With your wife.  You F'd up. Rule #1: Don't air your dirty laundry on social media. #2: Always respect the mother of your children.  Even if you don't get along, she gave you the greatest gift in the world (4 times). Don't bash her in front of her friends, family and the world.  That's not cool.  She has every right to be upset with you right now.

You have already apologized and let her know you are sorry.  Now give her space. Leave her alone and let her calm down. Eventually she will speak to you.  She may never forgive you, but she will have to maintain contact with you for the kids.  

Remember, you messed up.  She's going to make you pay.  Give her time.  Do nothing. 

Good Luck.

Will

Confused and Questioning

Will,

Okay, I have always lived the "straight" life with a few guy/guy DL hookups here and there, but its always been just sex.  Last year, I made a friend who is openly gay and we became good friends, and did good around a bit, but no romantic overtones at the time, was always just for fun.  Well he has since moved away, and I find myself really missing him... and for the first time in my life, in looking back, I find that I was attracted to him emotionally as well.  So it has me wondering if I really am gay...

Wondering

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Dear Wondering,

Why do you have to put a label on it?  You are attracted to the person, not what they have between their legs. 

If you find yourself having strong feelings for someone and want to pursue it, tell them.  Who knows, they may have the same feelings in return.  You'll never know unless you start a conversation about it.

Will

Deep Throat & Gag Reflex

Dear Will,

So I admit I don't have a lot of sexual experience with guys but am very curious and want to explore and try new things.  I had a banana as part of my breakfast.  I was frisky and wanted to see how much of it I could deep throat.  I know I have a bad gag reflex but fit more than half in.  I've always wanted to take down a big cock and I'm wondering what are the tricks to deep throating or controlling your gag reflex?  Maybe I just need practice LOL. (:  Would love any advice or hints.

Charlie

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Dear Charlie,

The first and most important thing to remember is to breathe.  Breathe through your nose, relax, stay in control and most importantly, enjoy.  Practice does make perfect.  Take it slow and work your way up to taking it all.  

In my experience I have found that slow steady motions are better.  When you are working at a faster pace your gag reflex becomes more sensitive.  Plus most guys are turned on by the steady build up of speed and rhythm. 

Another thing that may help is Comfortable Numb Deep Throat Spray.  Just a couple of sprays of this will make your throat numb and temporarily stop your gag reflex long enough to get the job done. (pictured below) I'm sure you can find this product or one like it at any adult store but I have found it at Amazon. 

Happy Sucking,

Will

Link to: Comfortably-Numb-Deep-Throat-Spray AMAZON

Hanging Out In Our Briefs

Hi,

I'm an 18 year old guy.  My dad and I are staying at a buddy of his for the weekend.  They said to make this a real guys weekend and we should hang out in briefs. This seems weird, do guys really hang out in their briefs?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear 18 year old guy.

Guys hanging out in their underwear is normal.  It's a bonding thing.  No women, Sports on the TV, Drinking beer while hanging out in your underwear...  It's the male version of a slumber party. However, with that said, if you don't feel comfortable hanging out with your dad and his buddy in your underwear... don't.

Others may think differently. Let's ask the audience,  If you have a different opinion please comment below and share your thoughts. 

Thanks for Asking Will.

If you have a question or need advice please email askwhatwillthinks@gmail.com or send a message using the tool on the right side of your screen.

Will

Is It Normal To Fantasize About The Same Sex?

Dear Will,

I am a straight married man and I'm very happy with my life.  I had a couple of gay experiences many moons ago and really no immediate desire to have any more at this time, but I find myself waking up to the thought of being with another guy pretty frequently.  I have a great sex life at home so it's not the lack of sex either.  Is this normal and do other guys have these same thoughts and dreams?

Jack

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Dear Jack, 

I believe this is completely normal and many guys have these thoughts, dreams and urges.  Even those who have never experienced being with another guy.  Only most men who identify as being straight will usually suppress the feelings and never tell anyone.  Some will act on it only with a stranger, maybe in a truck stop/book store setting.  Those who are comfortable with their sexuality will explore other worlds.  Some will like it, others wont. A lot of times the ones who do like it are more attracted to the excitement of doing something "wrong" or getting caught.  To each their own. If this is something you want to do, then by all means, do it.  It's your body.  However, if you are in a happy and loving relationship you may want to take that into consideration first.  Is it worth ruining a good thing if she were to find out?  If you talk to her about your feelings you never know, she may want to join in.  

Will

Sex Addiction

Dear Will,

My husband is addicted to sex.  He has been faithful, but is always ready for and wanting sex.  I can't keep up.  If we aren't having sex he is watching porn and taking care of business himself.  What do I do?

Angela 

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Dear Angela,

On a positive note, he is only sexually active with you and not having relations outside of the home. The first thing you should do is talk to him about it.  If this is something you feel that you can't live with there are many options available but he has to want to change before anything will work. When he is ready, there are several behavioral health centers all across the country.  I'm sure there is one in your area.  A great place to begin is Sex Addicts Anonymous.  Google local Sex Addiction Rehab Centers in your area or Mental Health Disorders in your area.

I hope this helps.
Will

https://saa-recovery.org

How To Deal With Being Bisexual

Dear Will,

Hi.  I wanna know how to deal with being bi.  Where do you meet other bi guys?  How do you get over the fear of telling someone that you're bi.  I could NEVER tell my friends.  Advice?

Closeted

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Dear Closeted,

Well. I'm not sure what kind of places, if any, are in your area and not sure if you are in a small town or a large city.  But for me, there is a local bar, not a club, where I like to go.  The people are friendly and it's very low key.  I have made several great friends there.  Another thing you may want to try are dating/hook-up apps like Scruff or Grindr.  I know that sounds crazy, but I have made several good friends on there as well.  They are not just for hooking up.  However, if that's what you're looking for. There it is.

As far as telling your friends, who says you have to?  It does make it easier if you are wanting to have a serious long term relationship with another man, but if you're just wanting hook ups then why does anyone have to know.  What goes on in your bedroom is no ones business but your own.  Although, if you do decide to come out to them, if they are true friends they will still be there for you.  Yes, it may seem awkward at first but it will pass.  If something like this causes you to loose a friend, they weren't real friends to begin with.  You have to do what makes you happy.  Having inner peace with yourself is the absolute most important thing. As LGBTQ Royalty "The Queen" RuPaul says, "If You Can't Love Yourself, How In The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?"

Welcome to the family.  :-)

Will

Heart Broken

Dear Will,

I have been seeing this guy for the past two months.  He is perfect in every way and everything is going great… That was until today.  Let’s just say the old saying “If something seems too good to be true it probably is” definitely applies here.  Today at lunch he said he needed to tell me something.  He has a boyfriend and they have been together for over a year.  We live in Chicago and the boyfriend lives in Austin, Texas.  Obviously, I’m crushed.  It has been many years since I have allowed myself to develop feelings for someone.  I keep a wall up and don’t let guys get too close, emotionally, in order to keep from getting hurt.  But this time I let my guard down and developed strong feelings for him and felt that he had strong feelings in return. 

He said the relationship between him and the boyfriend isn’t working out.  The distance is too far; they only see each other two to three times a year but talk every day.   I tried to muster up enough strength and humility to remain calm and ask questions about the relationship.  I told him that if he didn’t see a future with this guy he needed to talk to him.  It’s wouldn’t be fair the other guy nor himself.  I couldn’t get through lunch fast enough.  I wanted to get out of there before I broke down and began to cry.

I do still have feelings for him but don’t want to be “the other man” or anyone’s second choice out of convenience.  Also, if he is seeing me while seeing someone else without telling either one of us, what’s to say he won’t see other guys behind my back?

What do I do?

Heart Broken & Confused

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Dear Heart Broken & Confused,

The heart is such a fragile and delicate part of the body.  Not only can it physically be damaged, but emotionally and spiritually bruised and broken.  You must be careful who you give it to.  You’re smart to have “the wall” up but you can’t keep it up forever.  What will happen when Mr. Right comes along and you miss him because your wall was too high?  Love is a gamble and you have to take chances.   Yes, it’s going to hurt from time to time, but it will only make you stronger and wiser. 

As for this guy, step back.  Take some time away from him.  Give him a chance to take care of Mr. Texas.  Wait and see if he does indeed end things with him or if he was just blowing hot air.  Wait a few weeks and see if you still have feelings for him.  In the meantime, go about your daily life as normal.   Who knows, he may end up being Mr. Right, or Mr. Right may come along while you’re waiting to see what transpires.  Keep your chin up and know that none of this is your fault.  I wish you the best and I know you will find your soul mate.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  You must be patient. 

Will

I Know My Son Is Gay. Now What?

Dear Will,

How does a mom let her 18 year old son know she knows he prefers boys?  I've known since he was 5 or 6 years old.

HELP!!!

T.

~ ~ ~ 

Dear T.

This is an easy yet complex situation.  The easiest thing (and probably the best) to do is nothing at all. Just wait and let him tell you when he is ready.  You don't want to run out and buy your PFLAG accessories just yet.  However, with that said, let your feelings be known.  Bring up gay topics and issues in casual conversation so that he knows whether or not you are accepting of a gay son.  If you are, let him know that it's okay for him to come to you about anything.  This reminds me of the episode of Ugly Betty where the family has discovered that Justin is gay.  Hilda decorates the house for a surprise coming out party.  It looked like a bag of skittles exploded in the room.  Don't do that. You'll cause him to undergo years of unnecessary therapy.  

Will

Watch the video -->   Ugly Betty - Justin Comes Out 

+PFLAG National 

Religious Differences

Dear Will,

I am 19 years old and live at home with my very religious parents.  I grew up in the church and have accepted the Lord.  But as I have gotten older I want to look into other religions, to study them, not necessarily to convert to another religion.  But I'd like to look at them all, study them and see which one is the one that I should be a part of.  I know that I'm a Christian and will always be.  But what are the differences between Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic, Non-Denominational, etc.  

My idea is to to go church with different friends and talk to them, learn what I can from first hand experience.  However, my parents and against that.  They believe I should stick with my church and not "stray".  Besides studying the different religions in books, how do I do this and keep my parents happy?

Jason

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Dear Jason, 

You're a very wise young man wanting to learn all that you can.  I believe learning the basics and foundations of each religion is not a bad thing at all.  For example, just because your parents are Baptist doesn't mean that you have to be.  If you feel more comfortable attending a non-denominational church, by all means, attend there.  For the most part, most religions worship the same God.  Your relationship with God is just that... YOURS.  It's between you and the big guy up stairs.  

As far as keeping the parents happy, well, as long as you live in their home you really need to honor their wishes.  However, Sunday morning isn't the only time churches meet.  Attend your family church on Sunday morning, another on Sunday evening and another on Wednesday evening Bible study.  Many churches have gatherings every night of the week. You could also call the church and ask to speak with the minister, set up a meeting with him/her and ask questions.  Have a one on one class to learn all you can.  Any Pastor would be more than happy to meet with you.

Check out this chart Religion Facts: Big Religion Chart it may help you get started.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best.

Will

My Daughter Hates My Boyfriend

Dear Will,

My ex husband and I have been separated for over two years, divorced for one year. We get along great as friends and co parents of our 14 year old daughter, just couldn't make the marriage work any longer.  This past July I met a wonderful man, Tom, and started dating.  It was several months into the relationship before I introduced Tom to my daughter. Immediately my daughter hated him and has done everything she can think of to break us up.  She is rude and difficult when he is around.  She has even told him that my ex and I are getting back together hoping it would cause a fight between the two of us, ending our relationship.  Her goal is to get Tom out of the picture and her father and I back together.

How do I get her to understand that her father and I love each other but are not in love and we both are moving on?

Stressing out,

Julie

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Dear Julie,

First, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post this one.  I've tried several times to  respond with the best advice possible, and each time I end up starting over not happy with my own answer.   

Your daughter is hurting, wanting both of her parents together under one roof, with her.  She want's the story book family.  Unfortunately, as in many cases, that's not how the cards were dealt.  She is lucky to have two parents who love her very much and get along.  Many kids don't have two parents, and most divorces end up with the parents hating each other causing much emotional pain for the children involved.  She has got to understand that it is natural that you and your ex both will want to pursue other relationships. 

Sit down with her and talk about how she has been acting towards Tom.  Find out if there is more to it, is there another reason she doesn't like him?  Let her know how much she is hurting you with her actions.  Try to get her to agree to give him a chance.  Maybe set up an outing with Tom and your daughter, just the two of them.  This way she can see that he isn't such a bad guy.  If this doesn't work, I'd suggest finding a counselor, someone who specializes in family issues.  I found a group in your area that may help,  +Family Counseling Center 

http://www.fccinc.org

I wish you the best of luck.  Keep me posted.

Will

Does A Long Distance Relationship Work?

Dear Will,

My boyfriend and I have been together for many years.  We started dating in college at UCLA and have since moved to Chicago where we built a wonderful life together.  Last week we found out that his company is relocating him to Paris for six months, possibly a year.  I recently opened my own business which requires my attention 24/7 and if I want my business to succeed I can't go with him to Paris.  He said that if I can't go then he will quit his job (that he loves) and find something else here.  He career is something that he has worked very hard for and I don't want to see him give it up because of me.

I know in my heart that he should go to Paris and we will be fine.  But he is having trouble seeing how it will work.

What do you think?

John & Mark

~ ~ ~ ~

Dear John & Mark,

Long distance relationships are hard, yet doable.  In order for a long distance relationship to work you MUST have a solid relationship that is unbreakable and 100% trust in each other.  Without those two things your relationship wont stand a chance.  This is true in any relationship, no matter the distance.  When times get hard just keep telling yourself "it's only 6-12 months".  A year is really not that long.  If you're able, take a trip to Paris and visit once or twice and maybe he can come home to visit a time or two.  Plus, nightly phone calls and/or text messages, Skype, Google+,  Facebook and other social media will make the time and distance a lot less than it really is.

I wish you two the very best.

Together forever,

Never apart,

Maybe in distance,

But never in heart.

Will

Get Up & Get Out

I am 23 and live in Birmingham, AL.  About 3 months ago my parents told me that I had until the end of the year to enroll in school or get a job and start paying rent.  I honestly thought they were just talkin sh$# like they always do.  But on January 1st they kicked me out.  They won't even talk to me about moving back in until I have a job and can pay them rent.  Right now I'm sleeping on a buddies couch, but he says I can only stay for a couple of weeks.  How do I get them to let me move back in with them?

~ ~ 

Um, it seems your parents have made it pretty clear.  GET A JOB!!!

College Decisions

Dear Will.

I have a situation that maybe you can help me with.  I’m 18, a senior in high school and I’ll be graduating this May.  My parents are both accountants and own an accounting firm.  Their plan is for me to go to college to get a degree in accounting and one day take over the business when they retire.  I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but that’s not what I want to do with my life.  I really want to go to college and study architecture.  Should I do what they want since they are paying for college or do I follow my dreams? If so, how do I tell them that accounting isn’t what I want to do with my life?  Any advice would be appreciated.

College Bound

~ ~ ~

Dear College Bound.

Deciding what you want to do with your life is a hard decision; I’m still trying to figure that one out for myself.  You must look at all of your options very carefully.  Luckily you have them narrowed down to two options.  If you choose the Accounting rout you’ll have your parents blessing and a guaranteed job after graduation. Plus one day you will own your own business.  That is a something not everyone is guaranteed and a good thing to have.  If you choose Architecture first you’ll need to have “the talk” with your parents.  Just set down and explain that Architecture is your passion and that’s what you see yourself doing in life.  They have to understand that if your heart isn’t in accounting you’re not going to do well in school and I’m sure they only want the best for you.  Untimely the decision is yours to make and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

Will

Between A Rock & A Hard Place

Dear Will, 

This Christmas was a very emotionally exhausting few days for me and my boyfriend.  We have been together for 6 years and are very happy.  Earlier this year he came out to his family and it actually went better than we expected.  So this year he invited me to go to Arizona to visit his family for Christmas.  We decided that while we were in town we would stay at a hotel out of respect for his parents.  We just didn't want that awkwardness of sleeping in the same bed under his parents roof.  His mother insisted that we stay at the house.  I felt that was very kind of her.  His sisters also were very welcoming but his father didn't really have anything to say to either one of us.  In fact, he wouldn't even stay in the same room with us for more than a couple of minutes.  It didn't really bother me but I could tell that my boyfriend was really hurting because of this.  I'm worried that if I hadn't been there would he have acted this way or did he do this because he came out.  I tried to comfort him but he doesn't really want to talk about it.  What do I do?

Caught in the middle.

~

Dear Caught in the middle,

You are definitely in a sticky situation.  The most important thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him.  Give it time, don't do anything at all just yet.  Like you, I'm not sure if his fathers actions were due to him coming out or because he brought his lover home for Christmas.  Maybe, and hopefully, he will come around and be more comfortable with everything.  But only time will tell.

There is a radio show that I listen to regularly ( +TheOfflimitsShow ) and last nights episode had a segment that spoke about this exact thing.  One of his listeners was in a similar situation and had written a beautiful heart felt letter to the parents of his boyfriends not so accepting parents.  You should really listen to the letter being read on the show.  I'm not suggesting that you write a letter to his parents, it doesn't seem that your situation is exactly the same, but I think you should listen to it anyway.  (below is a link to the show) Continue to be there for your boyfriend, through thick and thin and life will be great.

Will

Offlimits Show

Offlimits Show Gay Mass 2014 Year End (Spreaker)

Living with my ex

Dear Will,

My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost four years.  We had our ups and downs as all relationships do but we decided we were better off as friends. We have remained friends since our breakup three years ago.  Recently he lost his job and after several months of searching he has finally landed a new one.  Just last week I lost mine.  I was able to get a part time job waiting tables at a friends restaurant but money is still tight.  It's difficult for both of us.  We have been discussing the possibility of moving in together to help each other out with the bills until we can get back on our feet.  Do you think this is a good idea?  

Alex J.

St. Louis

Dear Alex,

Obviously you are second guessing this situation or you wouldn't be asking.  You must go with your gut feelings.  If there is any hesitation, don't do it.  If you are in desperate need of a roommate, there are lots of people out there looking too. Check out Craigslist.  On second thought, that's not always the safest thing to do.  Have the two of you discussed this in detail?  Do either one of you have the slightest feelings for the other that is not platonic?  How long do you expect to live together?  Most importantly, do you believe you could live together without killing each other?  In my experience, I have lost a couple of really great friends by moving in together.  You really don't know someone until you live with them.  However, if you have lived together in the past, during your four year relationship, you should already know what it is like to live with him.  So again I ask, why are you asking?  What does your gut tell you?  Always follow your gut.

Will