Dear Will,
My ex husband and I have been separated for over two years, divorced for one year. We get along great as friends and co parents of our 14 year old daughter, just couldn't make the marriage work any longer. This past July I met a wonderful man, Tom, and started dating. It was several months into the relationship before I introduced Tom to my daughter. Immediately my daughter hated him and has done everything she can think of to break us up. She is rude and difficult when he is around. She has even told him that my ex and I are getting back together hoping it would cause a fight between the two of us, ending our relationship. Her goal is to get Tom out of the picture and her father and I back together.
How do I get her to understand that her father and I love each other but are not in love and we both are moving on?
Stressing out,
Julie
~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Julie,
First, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post this one. I've tried several times to respond with the best advice possible, and each time I end up starting over not happy with my own answer.
Your daughter is hurting, wanting both of her parents together under one roof, with her. She want's the story book family. Unfortunately, as in many cases, that's not how the cards were dealt. She is lucky to have two parents who love her very much and get along. Many kids don't have two parents, and most divorces end up with the parents hating each other causing much emotional pain for the children involved. She has got to understand that it is natural that you and your ex both will want to pursue other relationships.
Sit down with her and talk about how she has been acting towards Tom. Find out if there is more to it, is there another reason she doesn't like him? Let her know how much she is hurting you with her actions. Try to get her to agree to give him a chance. Maybe set up an outing with Tom and your daughter, just the two of them. This way she can see that he isn't such a bad guy. If this doesn't work, I'd suggest finding a counselor, someone who specializes in family issues. I found a group in your area that may help, +Family Counseling Center
I wish you the best of luck. Keep me posted.
Will
No comments:
Post a Comment