Between A Rock & A Hard Place

Dear Will, 

This Christmas was a very emotionally exhausting few days for me and my boyfriend.  We have been together for 6 years and are very happy.  Earlier this year he came out to his family and it actually went better than we expected.  So this year he invited me to go to Arizona to visit his family for Christmas.  We decided that while we were in town we would stay at a hotel out of respect for his parents.  We just didn't want that awkwardness of sleeping in the same bed under his parents roof.  His mother insisted that we stay at the house.  I felt that was very kind of her.  His sisters also were very welcoming but his father didn't really have anything to say to either one of us.  In fact, he wouldn't even stay in the same room with us for more than a couple of minutes.  It didn't really bother me but I could tell that my boyfriend was really hurting because of this.  I'm worried that if I hadn't been there would he have acted this way or did he do this because he came out.  I tried to comfort him but he doesn't really want to talk about it.  What do I do?

Caught in the middle.

~

Dear Caught in the middle,

You are definitely in a sticky situation.  The most important thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him.  Give it time, don't do anything at all just yet.  Like you, I'm not sure if his fathers actions were due to him coming out or because he brought his lover home for Christmas.  Maybe, and hopefully, he will come around and be more comfortable with everything.  But only time will tell.

There is a radio show that I listen to regularly ( +TheOfflimitsShow ) and last nights episode had a segment that spoke about this exact thing.  One of his listeners was in a similar situation and had written a beautiful heart felt letter to the parents of his boyfriends not so accepting parents.  You should really listen to the letter being read on the show.  I'm not suggesting that you write a letter to his parents, it doesn't seem that your situation is exactly the same, but I think you should listen to it anyway.  (below is a link to the show) Continue to be there for your boyfriend, through thick and thin and life will be great.

Will

Offlimits Show

Offlimits Show Gay Mass 2014 Year End (Spreaker)

Living with my ex

Dear Will,

My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost four years.  We had our ups and downs as all relationships do but we decided we were better off as friends. We have remained friends since our breakup three years ago.  Recently he lost his job and after several months of searching he has finally landed a new one.  Just last week I lost mine.  I was able to get a part time job waiting tables at a friends restaurant but money is still tight.  It's difficult for both of us.  We have been discussing the possibility of moving in together to help each other out with the bills until we can get back on our feet.  Do you think this is a good idea?  

Alex J.

St. Louis

Dear Alex,

Obviously you are second guessing this situation or you wouldn't be asking.  You must go with your gut feelings.  If there is any hesitation, don't do it.  If you are in desperate need of a roommate, there are lots of people out there looking too. Check out Craigslist.  On second thought, that's not always the safest thing to do.  Have the two of you discussed this in detail?  Do either one of you have the slightest feelings for the other that is not platonic?  How long do you expect to live together?  Most importantly, do you believe you could live together without killing each other?  In my experience, I have lost a couple of really great friends by moving in together.  You really don't know someone until you live with them.  However, if you have lived together in the past, during your four year relationship, you should already know what it is like to live with him.  So again I ask, why are you asking?  What does your gut tell you?  Always follow your gut.

Will

My Child is Gay

Hey, I need some advice. My daughter who is 10 told me she thinks she likes girls. Of course, I know I have done right by her feeling she could tell me this at 10 year's old. I told her that is ok. I let her know I love and support her no matter what. She asked me what about God. I told her He loves her no matter what too. I told her that God knew who you were when He made you. I said we know what the bible says but it was written by man and those words are not in red. That means Jesus did not speak them and no-one is perfect. No-one is better than you. She says she still is not sure. I think she is but is scared. She doesn't want me to tell her dad until she is sure. I said I will respect that. Give me some advice my dear friend.

Proud Parent 

~ ~ ~

Dear Proud Parent,

I this you are handling this perfectly.  She is lucky to have a wonderful and understanding mother as yourself.  Just be there for her and keep loving her no matter what.  And you're absolutely right.  The words in the bible that speak on homosexuality are not in red. They are mans word, not God's.  You're also doing right by keeping her secret.  Let her tell her father, when she's ready.  Just let her know that you love her, you are there for her, and she'll always be your little girl.

Will

Baby Sitters

Dear Will,

I am a 28 year old single mother of two beautiful children.  I am a high school graduate and have decided to enroll in the local community college to start working on my teaching degree.  My employee has been more than supportive and willing to work around my school schedule.  During the day the boys attend school (1st and 3rd grade) and an after school program.  But I am having trouble finding child care for the evenings when I take classes.  My parents live over two hours away and I have no other family near by who can watch the boys.  Any suggestions?

Mary

Phoenix, AZ

Good Morning Mary,

First I want to say Congratulations on taking the first step and enrolling in college.  Furthering your education can be difficult but I believe it is always an excellent idea.   Many churches and community centers do offer free child care programs. You may also want to check websites like www.sittercity.com and www.care.com.  They assist in finding qualified child care.  All child care providers listed with them undergo an extensive background and reference check.

Good Luck with your education.

Will

Trouble in Memphis

Dear Will,

I am a 25 year old man who lives in Memphis, TN.  I have a boyfriend who I have been with for over two years but we don't live together.  Every time I bring up the subject of moving in together he changes the subject and avoids the conversation all together.  Other than the issue with moving in together, everything is going great.  Should I be worried that we may never take the next step or should I make him talk to me about it?

Please Help!!!

Jason

Dear Jason,

I understand your dilemma.  Most people will search the world looking for that special someone to complete their "perfect" life.  Someone to come home to at the end of the work day, wake up next to every morning, and share every second of every day with.  It sounds as if you (and I) are that type of person.  Unfortunately, not everyone shares that dream.  Some people are completely content with being a party of one.  There are others who enjoy having a boyfriend/girlfriend who they spend time with but at the end of the day they go home to their own place (with the occasional sleep over) and that works for them.  It's not that they don't care for or love the person they are with, but they may have commitment issues, fears, or trouble letting go of their independence. 

The key to any relationship whether it be business, friendship, or romance, MUST have constant communication. You must be able to talk about what's on your mind and heart and he must be receptive of what you have to say.  Communication is key and is a two way street.  You definitely need to talk about this with him.

Before you sit down to have "The Talk", you must ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly. If he says yes, would you truly be happy sharing a space with him?  If he says yes but not now, when he's ready, are you willing to continue the relationship and wait for him to be ready for the next step?  If he says that he's the the type of person who would never want to live with another person, would you be willing to continue a relationship as it is now?

The two of you do need to talk to find out why it is that he always changes the subject when you bring it us.  If he continues to avoid the topic, there's your answer.

Please let me know how it turns out.

Will